University Blues

Hi guys....I know I've gone AWOL for a while - so much for that "one post a week" thing....and this is once again..totally different to my usual genres...but after "letting it out" last time, it just felt so much better that I've decided to do it once again...

For those who wonder what the freak is wrong with me...I think I'm just in a very emotional stage where I might just have too much on my plate. So just as I'm about to sleep, I go on my friend's blog and I see this video (you know who you are, my friend ^^):

I'm watching the video and reading the lyrics and it just hit me - why people follow religion. (OMG. This sounds really bad and it feels like I'm going to offend the world here. ) The lyrics are somewhere along the lines of him saying how that the path of a actor/singer/public figure is really unstable but they continue to do it no matter how many times they fall etc. just because they want to see 'you' smile. It was like, despite the uncertainties in life, I'll continue on this path because it is THE path. To me, that is the reason why people are of certain religions - it gives them a path and reason. Often you hear, that God or "The Sky" (as in Buddhism) has given them a path and all the challenges and hiccups on this path are part of the experience and one should embrace it.
I've always been a believer of the whole "your destiny is in your hands" mentality as I'm a total control freak and the idea that someone/something higher up there is controlling my fate is scary. But I'm currently in this phase where I'm doing all these things...but I don't have a goal - I don't have an aim (or maybe it's just unclear to me). Like if you ask me why am I making myself so busy (and I'm hell busy right now), I wouldn't know what answer to give other than "I just am" or "I need to keep myself busy".

I swear I've gotten nowhere with this rant....sorry for making you guys read it all...

Anyway, thanks to almighty YouTube and it's suggested videos at the end of the video I came across this video that just made me cry from start to finish...(I'm very emotional right now...judge all you want)

It's quite an old song...and I do remember being all emotional about it when it first came out, so here I go again..
Guise (you know who you are once again), I don't know how I can express my gratefulness to you guys...seriously. Going from seeing you guys multiple times in one day (even to the extent when I got sick of seeing you) to not knowing if I'll see you guys in the next month or two is really daunting for me....to put it bluntly, I'm scared I'll lose you guys. I know there's that whole thing where you're meant to make new friends, get a new life and more or less start over again, but I don't think I can do it...at least not yet.
You guys stood by my side (and had my back) through my whole life as far as I can remember. You guys were the first ones I turn to when I had trouble - whether it was a bad day or just to rant about my hectic 13 unit life. I now realise how important it is to have such a strong backup. I still rant and spout nonsense at you guys for the random annoying, troubling and weird things that turn up in my life - but it's different. It feels more distant (I don't know why).

And I guess the fact that I'm about to step into adulthood just makes it a whole lot scarier. I can't just lean on you guys and 'reason' it to be because I'm a kid.

This feels like the little rant/emotion-filled post I had up after the HSC. I don't even know anymore...my train of thought has kind of been stopped thanks to these endless litres of tears spouting out.  Great - now I'm going to have swollen eyes at work tomorrow...